A few weeks after losing our child (Mary Pio) in miscarriage last fall, we were blessed to find out I was pregnant again. I was starting to feel a lot of anxiety at the idea of going to the doctor's office where last time the news had not been good, so I asked the TOR Sisters to pray over me after Mass on the Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception on December 8, 2018.
One of the Sisters (Sr. Mary Gemma) had a vision of me in a field of white flowers with Ellie, Francis, and Isaac all holding white flowers waiting to give them to this baby. She then felt the Lord asking her to share the words from Isaiah 40: 1-2 with me, which begin:
Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to [Courtney] and cry to her that her warfare is ended...
I felt the Lord saying this baby would be alive. And at that first ultrasound and all the ones following (including during times when I was bleeding and thought another miscarriage seemed imminent) the baby has continued to grow and live!
Although I have still battled anxiety over the possibility of losing this baby, I have experienced so much peace directly from the Lord. For example, on the day of my first ultrasound the First Reading for Mass that day was Isaiah 40 starting at verse 1! I had so much peace going into the appointment. And before the 12 week ultrasound (which was the one where we learned we had lost Mary Pio) I woke up with such peace the Sunday before the appointment with the thought, surely from God, that I should not worry - rather I should assume the best and not fear. And with that thought, that I knew was not from myself, I went into the appointment full of trust and hope!
Two Psalms also really stood out me during this pregnancy: Psalm 23 and Psalm 91.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for Thou are with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me." ~Psalm 23: 4
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High, who abides in the shadow of the Almighty, will say to the Lord, 'My refuge and my fortress; my God, in whom I trust.'" ~Psalm 91: 1-2
I read Psalm 23 first and felt like God was giving me permission to be anxious, scared, and worried in this pregnancy because I am still walking in the shadow of Mary Pio's death. A few days later I read Psalm 91 and the word "shadow" really stuck out to me as I remembered reading that same word in Psalm 23. As I looked at the two Psalms - the verbs used with "shadow" caught my attention. In the Psalm 23 I felt God saying He wanted me to "walk through" the shadow with Him. But in Psalm 91 I felt God saying He wanted me to "abide in" His shadow - which is peace, love, eternal life - a very good place to be!
Then, last week I saw this field of white flowers growing not far from our home and Church (you can see them across the field) and was again reminded of God’s Words to me throughout this pregnancy and His constant faithfulness.
So this morning, at 39 weeks pregnant, we took pictures of us holding the flowers we are ready to give this new precious gift from God!
*Looking back at the first ultrasound picture taken of our baby (on December 11, 2018) and the little figure of St. Joseph I placed next to it - as a way of reminding myself I had entrusted this baby to Jesus through the intercession of his foster father - I thought it was awesome to see he too held a white flower!
