 |
| Kissinger Beach Week (August 3, 2018) |
It is a "Kissinger Beach Week" tradition that often someone finds out that they are expecting during this week. This year we were overjoyed - and surprised - to find out that it was us!!
We got to share the wonderful news in person with most of the Kissinger siblings, to send pictures of the "6" of us to family & to text close friends the news that we'd be traveling back to Austria with one more than we came with!
I had my first check-up and ultrasound during the 7th week and got to see Mary Pio moving around on the screen!
 |
| 7 weeks (August 22, 2018) |
Mary Pio's Name
The day we found out we lost the baby was September 24, the Feast of Our Lady of Walsingham (a village in England). We don't know the sex of the baby, but because my morning sickness had been more intense than it was with boys - I lean toward thinking the baby was a girl. So I wanted Mary as the first name. For her middle name, I wanted a boy name, and in prayer the name Pio came to mind. St. Padre Pio's Feast Day had been the day before, September 23. Our family was able to visit Padre Pio's body the previous October in San Giovanni Rotondo, Italy. We prayed at that time - as we often are - that God would bless us with another child. I had thought that if I found myself pregnant shortly after that we should include Pio in the baby's name. In reality, it took many more months for my fertility to return - but now here was my chance to include Pio in the name of the baby first conceived after that trip. That night Brian asked me what I thought for a name. I told him Mary, and before I got to share my idea of the middle name he suggested Pio. I was very grateful God had inspired us with the same name.
It took over a day after taking the first tablet for any signs of miscarriage to occur. That allowed me to pray the following day (the day before I had to return to the hospital), visit with a dear friend who had been in a similar situation and sip tea as we talked, to write a letter to Mary Pio - the last line asking St. Padre Pio to pray for us, and to spend time with my kids (who do not know of this pregnancy yet) while friends took care of our meals, supported us, and prayed for us. During Isaac's nap that day the "strangest thing" happened, as I was going to lay him down - he was already asleep - he grabbed around my neck and wouldn't let me go. Initially I was frustrated, as this was my downtime, so I tried a second time to lay him down and he did the same thing. So I took it as a sign I was to just hold him. I sat down in the comfy chair in his room and I was soon asleep too. God obviously knew I needed to rest and blessed me abundantly in getting to hold my sweet son against my body. It was during that nap that I felt the first signs of cramping and knew the miscarrying process was slowly beginning.
That night, as Brian put the kids to bed, I went over to the TOR Sisters' chapel and they prayed over me -- in the same place where I received prayers before giving birth to Isaac. I specifically asked for prayers against the fear of the unknowns, including what the situation would be like in the hospital room. Several years ago I had no idea what getting "prayed over" meant. I actually thought the phrase was getting "prayed on" - which Brian kept on correcting. The idea of people laying their hands on me, praying in tongues, getting visions, and truly feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit was all over my head. Now I love it. I have felt so much peace and love and the presence of God in these times. Although I never wished to be receiving prayers because I had lost another baby in my womb, I was honored to have the Sisters pray over me. As they shared their visions I felt great peace and joy. The first vision received was of Our Lord holding Mary Pio. The next was of me on the hospital bed with Brian next to me and an army of angels surround us, their wings interwoven as they shielded and held us. Another Sister then confirmed that vision by saying she had the real sense we should make the hospital room a Sanctuary with the Lord. I felt the Lord saying, Yes - just as I am truly present Here with you now - I will be with You tomorrow. How that was going to possible, I really wasn't sure. In the Sisters' chapel I truly had the Lord before me in the Tabernacle, I had Infant Jesus statute in the Manger before me, and Jesus on the Crucifix hanging on the wall in front of me. Along with a beautiful icon of Mary holding Jesus and relics of Saints in the chapel. And three religious sisters. How could the next day in the hospital be the same? I wondered - I didn't really fear - but I was skeptical. After praying for Mary Pio's intercession for our family and the procedures the next day, the Sisters let me stay a little while and pray in the chapel. I did feel great peace. And I slept great that evening.
We were to arrive back at the hospital on Wednesday between 8:00 - 8:30 AM. They did an ultrasound and because not much had happened since I took the first tablet, the doctor inserted four tablets and told me the contractions and heavy bleeding would start soon. In the waiting room I had seen another couple and sensed that they were in the same situation we were in. Sure enough, after the ultrasound, Brian and I were placed in a hospital room with them. Luckily, I was already aware that it is unique to our American ideas of privacy that you have your room own, or even a curtain between you and the next patient. At first I found it very disconcerting that I was going to have to go through this miscarriage right along side someone else. But I had specifically asked the Sisters to pray about my hospital room and now here was my opportunity to make it a Sanctuary with God truly present. As I prayed with some writings I had from the retreat I went on this summer - I realized that was exactly how I could Console the Heart of Jesus. Step 1 is to trust Jesus -- what else could I do in this situation?! And step 2 is to love my neighbor. Here was a very real opportunity for me to love the couple right next to us - although we didn't share a language so I couldn't do it in words, I could do it in prayer and in deed with little smiles and cleaning our shared bathroom. And in this my suffering took on so much meaning. So much peace. Even joy -- I was suffering but it didn't hurt to suffer. It was good suffering.
Around 10 AM as I was sitting in the hospital bed and was praying, Brian told me my phone was now connected to the internet. I had the urge to check my email. And there it was. At 8:17 AM, I had received an email notification that someone had commented on our Keeping Up with Kissingers blog. The email read:
"Unknown has left a new comment on your post 'Visiting Padre Pio & St. Michael the Archangel's Cave': Thank you for sharing, pictures are great."
I showed it to Brian. I stared in disbelief.... Not shockingly, I do not receive a lot of comments on our family blog. Like basically never ever. So how, now, right at this moment was I receiving a new comment on an old post I had written 10 months ago. Could it be that St. Padre Pio himself was writing us this email?! I've heard that people used to miraculously receive letters from him. So why not emails! As I shared this thought with Brian, I joked that if it was a message from Padre Pio himself that it's like he was saying - hey, great pictures of my incorrupt body - I'm still looking pretty good after being dead for 50 years! Ok, so even if it wasn't directly from him, what are the odds that some person out there, at 8:17am our time (also Italy's time :) would make that comment, on that old blog post -- when my post's never receive comments. Crazy! Amazing! Wonderful!! Such a sign from God, for Brian and me, that God was present, His angels were present, His saints were present -- all for this occasion of our precious Mary Pio leaving my body.
It actually got even better. As the pain increased with some intense contractions I asked for some pain relief and they hooked me to an IV (yes, I gave birth to Isaac with zero pain relief and it was awesome, but at this point I was happy to indulge in any drugs they wanted to give me :) Really, the pain was not that bad, maybe a little fear tried to creep in as I didn't know for sure what to expect next. As the contractions were doing their job, I panicked for a minute - how do I keep this place like a Sanctuary? I had my Bible, Rosary, a small crucifix - but I felt fear coming. Then I remembered -- music! I loved listening to Praise & Worship music as I labored at home with Isaac. Brian quickly pulled up Spotify and typed in Praise & Worship. The song What a Beautiful Name came on. He didn't specifically select this song -- but it was absolutely perfect as I felt the strongest contractions, my eyes closed with tears streaming down my face - mostly out of joy in knowing God was present, Brian next to me, and knowing that the angels were surrounding us, with the words "Death could not hold You" blaring in my ears. Truly, God had made this hospital room a Sanctuary where He was with us.
Shortly after that, I think I only listened to one more song, the worst of it was over. I moved to the bathroom and expelled a lot of blood and tissue. I later made one more trip to the bathroom where it was a similar situation. We were not able to see Mary Pio's small body but I felt peace in that, as I know it's not always an option. At 2pm, they did another ultrasound and it showed that the tablets had worked (that was my prayer, so that I would not have to proceed to surgery after this) and it was complete. We - and the other couple - were released from the hospital a short time later. As I was leaving one of the many kind nurses who had been helping me that day, looked at me and said something to the effect of, "I hope next time we see you here it will be for good news." I smiled at her and delighted in the thought that that could be very true - it was a glimmer of hope. And it was made extra special as I realized it was yet another sign that God had showed up in the delivery room: when I had the Sisters the praying over me I felt so comforted by their presence, well the German word for "nurse" is "Schwester"... Schwester is the same word for "sister, nurse, and nun"... so each time a nurse would enter the room she would say, "My name is Sister so-and-so." Such a gift!
Because we had wonderful baby-sitters already lined up until 5pm and one of our wonderful neighbors had already made us dinner, we went out to a lovely cafe that I had been wanting to visit for dessert. Then we ran a few errands. It was in those ordinary moments, walking down the sidewalk, in the butcher shop, in the grocery aisle - that I really saw what a difference a kind smile or nice greeting (or, in our case, another customer in line at the butcher shop happy to translate for us). These people had no idea what we had just been through. And these simple acts of kindness made such a difference. It made me realize - how often do I really know what is going on in someone else's life. We seldom do, I imagine. But yet here we all are together, living this messy thing called life. And God is truly present with us. In the chapel, in the hospital room, in the grocery store - in each one of us. So I'm thanking Him with extra gratitude right now - for the blessings in my life - this wonderful community, my parents and siblings and in-laws and extended family, my amazing husband Brian and our children - all of them - including our youngest Mary Pio.
 |
It's currently July 20, 2019, I'm one week away from my due date with the baby we conceived about 6 weeks after losing Mary Pio. Finding out we were expecting this child was a much bigger surprise than we found out we were pregnant with Mary Pio - we did not think it would happen so fast (it had taken 4 months after losing Dominic that we became pregnant with Francis). We were so happy! Yet scared. Could I handle the possibility of another miscarriage if we were to lose the next baby? I had to really trust and hope.
It was during this time, when we found out I was expecting again, that I was reading the book Padre Pio: Man of Hope by Renzo Allegri. A friend had lent it to me before I found out I was expecting Mary Pio, but now was the time I took to reading it. I was blown away reading Chapter 18: Miracles Every Day - as I realized I had truly experienced a miracle of God through the intercession of St. Padre Pio. Going into Mary Pio's delivery and then receiving the blog comment from "Unknown" on my Padre Pio post - I vaguely recalled that a couple of friends had told me how Padre Pio had written very special letters to people and that there were some miracles surrounding them. But I knew none of the details. Then I read stories such as this:
During World Was II, many who were suffering, frustrated, discouraged, and penniless came to the monastery of Santa Maria delle Grazie, seeking a word of hope from Padre Pio. The heartrending scenes that occurred in Padre Pio's confessional during that period of his life defy words. Padre Pio was a very sensitive man, and their anguish often upset him. He would burst out in tears when he was talking to them. During such moments a mysterious strength surged from his soul, accompanied by a miracle.
Cleonice Morcaldi, the aunt of the mayor of San Giovanni Rotondo and an administrator of the hospital that Padre Pio established later in his life, recounted the following story:
During World War II, my nephew was a prisoner. We hadn't received any news about him. Everyone thought he was dead. His parents were going crazy with grief. One day his mother flung herself at Padre Pio's feet when he was in the confessional. "Tell me if my son is alive," she said. "I won't let go of your feet until you tell me." Padre Pio was deeply touched and, with tears streaming down his face, said,
"Get up and go in peace."
A few days later, my heart could no longer bear the sorrowful tears of his parents, so I decided to ask Padre Pio for a miracle. Full of faith, I said to him, "Father, I'm writing a letter to my nephew, Giovannino, with only his name on the envelope since I don't know where to send it.
You and your guardian angel have to get it to wherever he is."
Padre Pio didn't answer me. I wrote the letter that evening, and set it on my nightstand before going to bed. The next morning, to my great surprise, amazement, and fear, I noticed that the letter wasn't there. I was shocked. I went to thank Padre Pio. "Thank the Virgin Mary," he said. Two weeks later, the family was weeping with joy and thanking God and Padre Pio. My nephew, whom everyone had feared was dead, sent a letter in reply.
-Allegri (172-173)
Presently, I have received NO other comments to my blog. What are the odds that the comment that was written on my post about Padre Pio and was delivered to me via email during the time of Mary Pio's delivery, where the Sisters had visions of the Lord and his angels and saints be present with me, could be from any other St. Padre Pio?! Even if by chance it was a 'regular human' searching an unpopular blog posts such as mine - who would inspire him/her to leave an Unknown comment that I would receive at that precise time. Surely, this "simple comment," which brought both Brian and me to joyous tears, was a miracle from God.
We praise you, Jesus, and thank you, Lord, for the gift of ALL life! We place ALL our trust in You!
